Waffles (well sort of)

I am a very picky eater, remember that Arthur book where DW won't eat spaghetti: it was based on me. I don't like angel hair pasta or milk or unsteamed broccoli or a lot of other things; but, if I do like something I will embrace it wholeheartedly forever: waffles are the greatest testament to that claim.

I love everything about waffles. I prefer them over pancakes because the syrup get's stuck in the little boxes, I like that they're crispy on the outside and warm and chewy on the inside. I love going on vacation because the Marriot has the best waffle mix. I actually prefer waffle fries to regular fries because they closely resemble my favorite food. If I was on death row and they asked what my last meal would be I would say waffles with maple syrup, butter on the side, apple juice and bacon (all from the Marriot please). Even though I love waffles, I refuse to eat at the Waffle House because honestly the sign itself looks really beat up and I like my waffles to be quality. I'm losing track of the point here.

Today is exactly 3 weeks after my 17th birthday, or as most people like to call it Christmas. Nearly 52 weeks ago for my 16th birthday I asked my mom to buy me a waffle maker (in the store), she told me maybe later (which basically means no). (I thought about buying my own, but I'm a useless teenage girl who spends all of her money on online shopping instead of on important things like waffle makers). ANYWAYS I woke up this morning and in my mom's hands was a WAFFLE MAKER!! I know what you're thinking: "Who asks for a waffle maker you freak". And guess what my parents already know I'm a freak that's why they bought it for me!

Here are the first waffles made on my waffle maker. They're from scratch because okay is not good enough.

I know what you're thinking: this is a diary post, please put this somewhere else. But believe me there is a point to this post.

I'm not just a picky eater, I'm a picky person, point blank. If I don't like it I won't get it, I don't care if Obama gave it to me (okay maybe I'd accept it in person and not use it) I wouldn't want it. And this causes troubles with a lot of things, but it also brings along a lot of prosperity: it makes me care more about what I have or what I'm doing because I know it's exactly want. I see a lot of times that people settle for whatever's there, kind of like how I almost did when I wanted that $10 waffle maker at JCPenny in 2013, but my mom knew me so well she made me wait.

I know this sounds corny and stupid but we should all be the same way. I (was forced to) read "My Antonia" and "O Pioneers" and both women basically settled for the first lame-o guy that showed interest in them even though I was rooting for them to get a cute boyfriend the entire book! Okay back to the point: whatever you're going after make sure you reach for the stars please because no one wants to be 35 years old sitting around writing about the time they married the old neighbor boy who just lost his job in Alaska and wants to live on your farm and mooch of your October harvest (Willa Cather I'm talking to you don't avoid me even in the grave).

Why be mediocre? When you can be excellent? Why be lukewarm when you can be piping hot? There's not really a point to go half way and then turn around and go home, so just go all the way. If you have a deadbeat friend let them go and move on: dead weight is useless. I guess what I'm trying to say without sounding like a life coach is: don't be boring and lame because it's easy, don't avoid change because you don't feel like it and don't stay bleh because bleh is accessible.

I have a lot of people saying things about me all the time, but I'm having too good of a time being interesting and excellent to let them bother me and I'm sure everyone would too if we eradicated mediocrity.

Eurocentric

I find that a lot of my blog posts are created when someone says or does something that touches a nerve: this is no different than any of my other posts. I recently saw a tweet circulating on my timeline that declared Carrie Underwood as the most beautiful woman in the world. Don't get me wrong Carrie Underwood is cuter than me; I'm not debating that I look better than someone who probably has 15 people that help her get ready in the morning. I will, however, negate the idea that there is definitely a singular person who is more beautiful than all others.

The idea that Carrie Underwood is the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth is contingent on Eurocentric ideals of beauty: light colored hair, light colored, big eyes eyes, fair skin, thin, rosy cheeked, thin nose, small lips (I think you get the point). Everything I described, Carrie Underwood is: she's skinny with a small nose and lips and she has blond hair and light colored eyes and light skin and the whole 9 yards, I have exactly none of those things. So if Carrie Underwood checks off everything on the list and is described as the most beautiful and I check off exactly 0 of them does that make me the ugliest person on the earth? Of course not, but it took me a very long time to figure that out.

Even if we don't realize it, every person raised in the West is brought up on Eurocentric ideals of beauty: it's what we strive for. Growing up in a predominately white town and going to a predominately white school my entire life, I know full well the pressure to live up to such standards when it's physically impossible to do so.

I can remember back in 4th grade when I had my hair braided with real Indian Remy hair: I was so excited. I went to school the weekend after and told everyone that my hair was human and expected everyone to be really jealous of me; the exact opposite happened. I was 9 and I wanted to feel special, but one girl didn't really want that to happen. I guess I could say her name and shame her, but I'd rather not so let's call her Ashley (because there were no 4th grade girls named Ashley at my school). Anyways, Ashley confronted me to let me know that she believed my hair to have been stolen off of a dead person and then proceeded to tell the whole class. Needless to say I tried very hard from that point on to not wear my hair in braids for 3 years following that incident.

The thing is I don't think Ashley did it intentionally to force down the idea that my hair should be perfectly straight and brown like hers, but it worked. I started straightening my hair that year and using mouse on the days I didn't have time. Someone commented on my eyebrows, so I went home and tried to trim them, but in true Maame fashion cut one entirely off and had to draw it on for a month. Again I don't think the person who told me my eyebrows were bushy was trying to hurt me either, but I wanted so badly not to look like the odd one out: the singular kid who didn't look like she'd fit in a sunblock commercial.

Slight attacks against the non-European body happen beyond 4th grade bathroom break conversations. For instance, just about every magazine gears it's audience toward white women. "Pinch your cheeks for color" leaves my cheeks looking the exact same. Everything from hair care to makeup tips is made for the fairer shades. Even in the American Military a black person can fight for their country, but can't wear their natural hair. I type in "beautiful hair" into Google Images and

this pops up. Every single picture in the first page consists straight/ tasseled/ lightly curled, glossy hair. And an unexpected point to my case is that "African American hair" has it's very own category! As to say: "you're hair isn't beautiful enough to make the list so we gave you your own". 

Looking up "beautiful eyes" evokes a very similar response:

Nearly every set of eyes shown is blue or the lighter variety. 

Seeing things like this worries me. When I hear people tell Beyonce to "do Blue Ivy's hair" or say "You're cute for a black girl", my stomach turns in knots. Western society holds these beliefs that beauty comes in one package and the only variants include different versions of light and bright. 

It's taken me nearly 10 years to overcome my internalized racism: to stop wondering why my hair isn't like everyone else's or why my skin is so dark. I spent nearly all of elementary and middle school feeling sorry for my looks. I used to wear bobby pins in the bottom of my ponytails so they wouldn't stick up, I would roll my lips up to make them seem smaller. I shaved off my eyebrows, I wet my hair in the middle of the day to make my bangs lay flat, I did everything to be just like the other girls at my school before finally, around freshman/sophomore year, I realized that I'm cute and black. They aren't mutually exclusive like Google Images makes it seem, but inclusive of one another. 

I walked into school today with proudly presented dark brown skin and, yes, box braided hair with extensions (Ashley could only hold me back so long!). I don't curl my lips up anymore because I'm not in search of my lips appearing smaller. My eyebrows haven't seen a trimmer in nearly 3 years so don't bother with any of the eyebrow antics. And there's no point looking into my eyes and comparing them to an ocean, because my eyes are such a deep brown that it's nearly impossible to differentiate between my pupil and my iris. And the best part is that I don't even care that I look nothing like Carrie Underwood: there is a negative resemblance and it doesn't even matter.

It took me too long to accept me for me, and it's great that I've done that; but I can't help but think of all of the other little black and brown children who curl up their lip, or shave off their eyebrows or get made fun of for their hair. I can't help but think that there's a little Maame sitting around wondering why she was born with 'bad hair'. It's always in the back of my mind how long it will take for Blue Ivy to internalize all of the attacks on her appearance. It scares me how many children and even adults go through everyday hating something about themselves because it doesn't fit into this Carrie Underwood sized box. And I'm not blaming her, Carrie Underwood I mean, looking the way most people want everyone to look because it's not her fault, but I am blaming every media outlet, every micro-aggression and every purposeful attack on anyone's looks. 

I'm happy with who I am and how I look, but not everyone is, so I'll advocate for them.

Orange is the New Black

Imagine coming home from school one day to find that your local police department has gone into your home and sequestered every internet capable device you have to build a case against you for child pornography. Your mother is crying, your sister is hiding and your father is pleading with the police, asking to see a warrant. Of course the police hand it over to show that you-- a young, chipper, teenage boy-- are under investigation for soliciting and distributing child pornography. Of course your parents are furious at you as they search for a lawyer to represent you, if they can even afford it! 
Flash forward a bit: your in chipotle picking up a burrito because your still a free man-- you've done nothing wrong,all yo did was press send, when BAM! the police bust in, put you in handcuffs and let you and everyone in the restaurant know that are being arrested for--you guessed it--child pornography. Picture the look of horror on your face  as parents at a table look at you in disgusted while hurrying away from you because your one jury verdict away from hard time in the slammer.

Of course you have to go to trial and your parents probably can't afford the reincarnation of Johnnie Cochran so you get stuck with a run of the mill, reasonably priced lawyer. But such a shame because your fancy Kansas City lawyer can not defend you against the piles of damning evidence the DA has against your perverted trashcan of a life. They pull up all the text messages you forwarded and of course, the coup de grace: your twitter account where you've been openly soliciting nude pictures of underage girls. No one is reasonably doubting anything and your sentenced to 15 years in prison as outlined by the US Federal Government (http://www.justice.gov/criminal/ceos/citizensguide/citizensguide_porn.html). 

Let's move forward some more: 4 years into your 15 year sentence you're sitting in the laundry room of the prison you now call home because helping around can reduce your time in prison. As you fold the underwear of the man who beat you up last week you think about what you've done to deserve this and then it hits you! You posted naked pictures of underage girls! That's why everyone calls you a "chester" and even the murderers look down on you! How could you forget silly? As you put the last of the orange jump suits in the hamper you think about how every decent human being from your former high school is doing because frankly, they don't live in a 6 by 6 cinder-block cell. Wow...your life is worse than the cafeteria food you eat every single day.

That story was very dramatic, like season 1 of Grey's Anatomy dramatic, but I needed to get my point across: posting and sending nudes is like putting yourself into the prison draft. Within my school there is a culture that sharing private nude pictures is perfectly acceptable, in fact a surprising amount of the student body does it for sport! It's like Pokemon cards, whoever can collect the most ones wins. This has bothered me for a long time but after seeing a twitter account dedicated to soliciting and distributing nudes of high school girls in my town.

Personally, I don't have time to focus on boys: the last time I tried that I got a B in geometry so I've essentially written-off any type of serious relationship (queue Ally Simpson's "That's Why I'm Single"); however, not everyone is me. They don't choose "grades over baes" and I can't force them to, but I can stand up for what is wrong: manipulating someone into sending you private pictures that you then share is wrong. A lot of girls get sucked into the nude train wreck that can hurt their reputation and down the road effect their eligibility for jobs. A lot of times people tend the blame the victim in situations like this: "why did she send the pictures in the first place?"In theory this is true but realistically what we have is a teenage girl, infatuated with a boy who promises her love and affection in exchange for a few pictures. And being a teenage girl she'll probably oblige. Following with the rules of the misogynistic cesspool that we live in the boy will think to himself "this is my property now and I will do with it what I please" and then send it to everyone he knows: another card in the deck.

This attitude that so many boys have is disgusting; the idea that they potentially hold someone's future in their hands and be so senseless is crazy. And the way others react to this is just as bad :the slut-shaming, the finger pointing, the "she should've known better"'s all while the student body continues to praise the violator...until it's them. The best thing we can all do is refrain from sending nudes period, but let's be real that probably won't happen so let's instead shame the person who spreads them around because vulgarity is worse than naivety until there is a common idea that sending nudes outside of the consent of the owner isn't funny.

I think tonight seeing everyone I know stand up against that obscene and illegal twitter account showed me that it's possible to shame the distributor: to make them know that actions of that nature will not be accepted in our school but it needs to become commonplace. And some will ask why this doesn't happen with all social media accounts posting lewd images and I don't have an answer but I think tonight was a step in the right direction. I am satisfied with gradual change, it's acceptable and realistic but not ideal, but the world isn't perfect and I get that. What I don't understand is why it's so hard to stop treating people like objects. I refuse be in a situation where blatant disrespect of the female body is so prevalent and I don't have the ability to move any time soon, so I guess I'll have to change the attitudes and the atmosphere of the people in my town--even if it's gradual, at least it's happening.

The Different Levels of Fake Depth

I need to vent. I am sick and tired of this quasi-feminist, fake anti-racist crap that keeps being thrown around everywhere. I recently watched "Fake Deep" by Cecile Emeke and let me tell you, it put my feelings into words! The poem describes how a lot of men, specifically black men, will continually praise women for all the wrong reason, while still holding racist and anti-feminist ideals. The video is great, but I think the fake deep mentality goes beyond any racial or gender barrier. 

There are four types of feminist: feminist, anti-feminists, quasi-feminist and non-intersectional feminist; the same can be said for men. 

• Feminist: Someone who believes in the equality for women, whether that be professionally, socially, morally or economically. This person has read up on feminist literature and speeches. This person understands how just about everything in society is geared towards men and doesn't resent men because of it, but aims to change our patriarchal society to benefit everyone within it, no matter race, gender or sexuality.

• Examples: Beyonce, Lupita Nyong'o

• Anti-Feminist: Someone who totally rejects feminism entirely because their boyfriend doesn't hit them, they like catcalling, they've never been raped or some other stupid myopic reason that makes no sense. Most of these types of people have done negative research on feminism and are going entirely off of their own bogus ideas and stereotypes perpetuated by other anti-fems or male rights' activists. 

• Examples: Shaileen Woodly, Kelly Clarkson, everyone in the "#ImNotAFeminist hashtag

• Quasi-Feminist: A person who preaches a Hemingway quote or something and pretends it's feminist rhetoric to seem smart, urban, and educated. A quasi-feminist will try to reject any type of progress made in the West because "Muslim women have it way worse!" because most Islamic nations, to their knowledge (there is very little knowledge), have never had a female Prime Minister or President, even though in reality, many of them have. They will also point out very basic ideas such as "let women be equal" and at the same time say that using male based pronouns ("freshman", "you guys", "every man") to address women is not fundamentally wrong because in actuality quasi-feminist are just along for the ride; they want to look cute and get a bunch of retweets from other quasi-feminists and move on to stopping Kony again.

• Examples: Meghan Trainor

• "But Maame why? 'All About That Bass' is my feminist anthem!" Believe me when I say I used to really like that song, but when you actually listen to the lyrics Trainor's message is everything but feminist. For example, her song reads "don't worry about your size...'Boys like a little more booty to hold at night'".  She's saying that being larger is perfectly fine, not because you truly believe that you're beautiful, or because you're comfortable in your own skin: but because some rando boy you don't know wants to hold onto your butt as you sleep. 
• Non-Intersectional Feminists: This is someone who chooses to uplift their own race, gender, socioeconomic class, ability level or other descriptors while leaving all women outside of their demographic to continue suffering. Non-intersectional feminist will make jokes about transgender people and tell someone with cystic fibrosis to give their handicap permit back because they "don't look sick". This type of feminist will praise Miley Cyrus for owning her sexuality while she appropriates African American culture, but condemn Nicki Minaj for doing a similar thing without her appropriating culture. They can also be referred to as Feminist Lite (as coined by Annie Lennox) 
• Examples: Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, Annie Lennox
• "But Maame Seneca Falls Convention was the greatest thing to ever happen in feminist history!" Sadly, this isn't true. Here's the part about the convention our schools failed to teach us: the convention was essentially a bunch of white women being very upset as to why immigrant and black men could vote and they couldn't, paying little to no attention to the rights of immigrant and black women.
• Here's an actual quote from Stanton (taken from her biography): “Asked straight out whether she were ‘willing to have the colored man enfranchised before the woman,’ she answered ‘no; I would not trust him with all my rights; degraded, oppressed himself, he would be more despotic with the governing power than even our Saxon rulers are.’ “ (Hill and Yang in '09). 
• I saved the best for last...MEN'S RIGHTS ACTIVISTS: This is almost always a man who believes that men have it really tough in a male dominated world created to serve them. He believes that things like hiring women to work on oil rigs will slow down production and that it's just not fair that a man can't hit his female significant other. He probably also thinks that woman are very weak even though Venus and Serena Williams, Mo'ne Davis, and I don't know, the entire US women's soccer team exist.
• Good ways to spot him: "Shut up and go make a sandwich" t-shirt; Facebook picture of him at Hooters; Refers to feminist as lesbians probably
• Example: Sam Pepper
• I really don't think I need to explain this but Sam Pepper is a popular Youtuber who made a video where he grabbed women's butts as a "prank". Nearly everyone who saw it thought it wasn't very funny and the video caused major backlash. Sam then came out with 2 more videos: one where he had women grab men's butts and one where he let us all know that this was a social experiment to raise awareness of male sexual abuse. 
•  Male sexual harassment and abuse is real, but female sexual harassment and abuse is far worse. According to the US Department of Justice in 2003, 9 out of 10 rape victims is a woman; there is no impending doom for men to be raped.

I know too many people who fall into every category that isn't actual feminism and it upsets me. It makes me sick! It's almost like a fad, a trend that will come and go and once it's gone you can add it to the list of counterculture things you took part in. Literature, films, articles: read up on anything you can about feminism before you make any decisions on what and how feminism works. 

I've officially come clean as a feminist. Am I a lesbian witch who doesn't shave her armpits or leg hair and purposefully grows out a unibrow? Or am I your everyday suburban teen, with somewhat prickly legs and a strong belief in the idea that all people are created equal no matter their race, gender, or other descriptors? It doesn't matter which one I am, you still have to respect me as a person and you don't get to decide for me: it's not up for you, it's my choice. Feminism doesn't come with a cookie cutter, we aren't all the same; every single one of us has our own events and reasons why we've all come to the same conclusion. 

Catfish

There's currently this show on MTV called "Catfish" which is basically 2 guys flying around America creeping on your bae to find out if they are who they say they are. Often times the person who seeking aid's significant other is a creep who stole someone else's pictures; nonetheless I've always had an issue with the show because a lot of these people have access to a computer and can easily look up this information on their own. I mean, maybe you can't fly out to meet them, but a lot of times a quick image search will prove that your up and coming rapper boyfriend Shawn in Atlanta is actually Chris, a college student in Connecticut turned model. 

It's like a shady version of "Married At First Sight" except instead of just flat not telling you they switch up the pictures. It's like putting a dollar into a vending machine expecting a Dr. Pepper but receiving a Dr. Thunder. A complete disappointment. Another bit about the show is how do you totally reject someone with serious emotional problems. If you're going way out of your way to make someone fall in love with fake you, real you must be for real messed up. And I've seen some episodes where the two reconnect and continue dating and it kind of scares me because the catfisher must be extremely emotionally volatile. You literally have to be the heart SWAT team with them at all times.

But that's not really the point of this entire post. I think what fascinates me most about the show is the idea that you can seriously fall in love with someone and you have no idea what they look like at all. Maybe I'm snobbish, I don't know but my motto is "pics or it didn't happen".. I don't know maybe I'm high maintenance? but a few Skype calls would be nice, a Facebook with more than 20 friends would be preferred, an address that isn't a PO box, and maybe a mutual friend would be beneficial.  I also have no room to speak about any of this because I am a perpetually single middle class suburban girl who writes blog posts in her free time instead of going to get turnt, BUT I DIGRESS. It's odd.

I think I'm too smart to get tricked into being in love with someone from the internet, but then again, I was a One Direction fan when they had exactly 0 songs released, so my brain activity may very well be limited. And I know a lot of people argue that they were "blinded by love", but, anyway, I'm still a huge skeptic about everything. If I'm at a deli and you tell me the cheese I'm buying is from Paris, I'm checking the serial number to make sure you didn't conveniently leave of the "Texas" part. And I know I'm weird, but I'm not a lame-o-zoid creep face who is going to devote so much time to stealing pictures online, so my chances of being on Catfish and meeting Nev "Heart Throb" Schulman are small. 

I've thought it through and even though someone stealing my pictures really creeps me out, one thing reigns true: someone using my pictures to catfish another person is pretty cool. It's kind of like you are the epitome of everything the catfish wants to be. You've got the right hair, makeup, face, proportions, and, well, pictures. And if you ask me it'd be kind of flattering. I guess if someone I don't know came up to me and told me they've been dating me for 2 years I'd be really creeped out, but the idea of being basically perfect to minimum 2 people seems fun. Someone for years would have had to Facebook stalk you, keep up with your current events and build a make believe life all around you based on bits and bobs, which yeah is really creepy...the more that I think about this, the more weirded out I am.

I would like to recant my previous statement. Please do not use my pictures to catfish someone, or at least don't tell me so I can act surprised when Nev calls me to ask if my name is Mary Claire and I have to tell him I'm Maame B and totally confused.

Sure, being in a love ponzi scheme isn't the best situation in the world, but the best position to be in when on the show "Catfish" is not as the stupid idiot that fell in love with a picture, or the creepo behind the fake identity, but as the real deal 100% official real life verified bystander-semi-victim. It's like the Beverly Hills of catfishing and in the words of Weezer: that's where I wanna be. 

Pictured: The crew of MTV's "Catfished" in a quick photo-op. 

Prejudice

I've only seen Pride and Prejudice two times in 16 years, meaning it's been a while since I've delved into the Jane Austen classic, but I can assure you that both characteristics haven't gone away. It's safe to say that I have my prejudices; however, I try to keep an open mind. As I've become more aware of my tendencies and try to stay open to everything I've noticed more and more how a lot of people hold onto their beliefs no matter how troubling, incorrect, or outright mean.

In preparation for the biggest football game of the season against our across town rival my school gets pumped and usually someone goes overboard. So it wasn't surprising to hear that some FSHS kids went across town to vandalize LHS; however the words written across the field were the punch on 2(photo can be seen at the bottom of the post). Presumably in the middle of the night, instead of studying or preparing for the next day of school, a group of teenagers drove across town and wrote a racial slur across the LHS football field. Many people were disgusted to say the least, others pointed fingers but an overwhelming amount of people made it a point to be known that this brought shame to our school, and that we're not all like that.

In 9th grade a few students embarked on a class trip. When they returned home, they relayed information, detailing their trip. They spoke very freely about how their pilot on their return flight was Arabic, and they joked about how fearful they were. Based solely on the color of the pilot's skin these people decided his religion, morals, and goals, no matter the joke it's left a bitter taste in my mouth. That was the first time I noticed blatant, widely accepted and unquestioned prejudice. From that point onward I found it easier to catch things of that nature.

I find it very common for people do do this, decide someone's motives I mean. Often times when people meet me they make a note to let me know that I'm black, but I'm not "black black", or I'm an Oreo, a coconut, not like most black people whatever you want to call it. Every time these words leave someone's mouth, it's safe to say that they harbor prejudice based on race whether that be subconscious or on purpose. Anyway they try to state it will inherently come out racists or offensive because that's exactly what it is; and I take offense.

So as a black girl with braids and all I can say that if anyone were to ask me my views on the LHS vandalism I would say this:
Racism is inherently based in hate, and we, being all of Lawrence, shouldn't allow some randos to create any more animosity between the schools.  I'm not going to apologize on behalf of FSHS because FSHS didn't do this: a handful of students who go to FS did. I, just like 90-something percent of the student body, had nothing to do with this and we shouldn't have to apologize for what happened; however, we should start a conversation. Race relations are a very important topic that needs to be discussed especially in modern times as we see more and more diversity coming about. It's upsetting that it took  literally spelling it out for people to see that racism hasn't gone away, but if everyone starts talking about race and ultimately changes negative prejudices that even one person may harbor we can at least say we turned a bad thing into something good.

Just like with religion, skin color doesn't come in  a cookie cutter. Not everyone is going to act the same, dress the same, do the same things, because that's just human nature. Mankind isn't meant to be uniform, it's not even in our DNA! I resent prejudice based on anything about me. If you've just met me, you don't know me. I'm sure just about everyone knows the saying "You know my name, but not my story" and even though it's a dumb quote, it's very true. Don't decide who someone is, or how they should act. Clear your palette of the ideas of other people based on outward appearance. Not all Arabs are Muslims, not all Muslims are terrorist, not all black people are on welfare (more white people on welfare than any other race fyi), not everyone on welfare is black nor are they all the welfare queen (and she doesn't exist)...the list can go on forever and ever because that's the point! Sure stereotypes may have some truth in them, but the key word is some.

THE FOLLOWING IMAGE CONTAINS  OBSCENE IMAGES AND OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE

Culture Is Important

Condoleezza Rice once said "We make a mistake when we say: 'you have to find role models that look like you.' If Sally Ride ... had been waiting for a female astronaut role model, she would never have done it." Which sure, I guess is true to some capacity, but I think that having a role model that looks like you is important. When I look for role models, I often find them in people I can relate to. An overwhelming number of times I find that I most relate to people of color. The other day at Wendy's a lady came in with her daughter, the little girl couldn't have been older than 4, and the most striking thing about her was the beat up picture she wouldn't let go of: a picture of Princess Tiana of "The Princess and The Frog," the only black Disney princess.

I know what you're thinking: why does it matter that she's holding on to a princess picture, every little girl does that. Okay, sure, but I've noticed that most girls pick a favorite princess because she has something to do with her. I babysit a girl named Ariel, and when a "Little Mermaid" song started playing from my Disney Spotify playlist she screamed "that's my song!" She connected to Princess Ariel on a name basis. For me, my favorite princess was Princess Jasmine (and Cinderella because she is such a quintessential princess); she looked the most similar to a young Maame B. I can't say that I did it purposely, more subconscious, but that was my reality; I related to her based of physicality: she looked the most like me. I wasn't a 5 year old lobbying for cultural representation in Disney, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have benefited from a black princess when I was her age. It reminds me of when Glozell went to Disney Land and met Princess Tiana. It was a blaring example for the need for cultural representation.

I can't help but think of all the times people, including myself, have pointed out the lack of cultural diversity in Disney's most recent films such as Frozen. Every time I bring this up the same conversations ensues

Me: Why doesn't Frozen have people of color?
People who've never had lack of representation: The black princess is in the background during the ball in Frozen for .000012 seconds. 

Me: Why aren't the Frozen animated characters more diverse?
People who've never had lack of representation: It takes place in Scandinavia. Do you really think black people live in Scandinavia?

I have been in real arguments as to what ideas are too *far out there*, a talking snowman never seems to land in the same 'crossing the line' category as people of color surprisingly.

The upcoming film "Exodus: Gods and Kings" has a very diverse cast. It chronicles the Biblical story of Moses to a  T--if the T was upside down, inverted and then soaked in bleach. The tale of the Egyptian heir to the throne has an all white upper class cast. Roles like Moses and the entire royal family are cast by white people, while roles like "Egyptian Lower Class Civilian" and "Egyptian Thief" have been handed to people of color. This is far from the only depiction of Moses in a film, there is a far better version that's a cartoon: "The Prince of Egypt." I used to watch it all the time as a kid and it shows the story almost perfectly, see but that's not the point because "Exodus: Gods and Kings" is a whitewashed version and this one is going to be seen in more theaters, meaning more people will view it, meaning more people will associate the very brown man Moses, to a very non-brown Christian Bale.

And lastly on the topic of Keke Palmer, and where Ms. Rice and I differ. I've been rooting for Keke Palmer since "Akeelah and the Bee." I'd seen the Scripts National Spelling Bee before that film, but she actually made me (and many other young black girls) believe that I could win (I got no further than 2nd place in my school Spelling Bee with the word "quarantine;" I had to spell check that because I still don't know how to spell it). Even though I didn't come out a winner, I did come out a believer that anything is possible. Now Keke has a talk show called "Just Keke" making her the youngest talk show host. And her biggest accomplishment in my eyes is that she's just been cast as Cinderella on Broadway. That's such a breakthrough! Some 2 or 3 generations ago black people couldn't be seen in any Broadway production and now Keke is the leading role in an iconic fairytale.

I can't say that I'm happy with our current state. I'm not happy that there seems to be more colored girls in the background of movies and less on center stage. I'm not happy that Hollywood whitewashes often. I'm not happy that there's a trend towards believing that we should be 'color blind.' I'm not happy that embracing diversity in culture is often viewed as something to be ashamed of. I'm not happy that African, African-American, Asian, Latino and Native cultures are often used as costumes. So no, I'm not happy. I guess I'm satisfied, only slightly. I'll survive, but I won't thrive, not in this environment, and that's a problem.

How To Be Black

The other day I saw the trailer for the upcoming film "Dear White People". As a 16 year old black girl who lives in a predominantly white suburb (technically its own city, but it might as well be a suburb) it's safe to say that I can relate. The film's premise is that a biracial girl starts a radio show called "Dear White People" where she gives white people tips on how to stop being racist, however unintentional it may be. The thing is that a lot of people, especially white people and LeTyrone, a young, urban, African-American, man, growing up in an unsteady area with an African-American single mother who works two jobs because his equally African-American father died in a drug raid (this is actually just a white person trying really hard to seem black), think that the film is very racist.

After seeing this I got really revved up on the topic of pointing out and fixing racism in today's America and started researching things similar to the film. I came across a bunch of PoC YouTubers who address topics like those brought up in the film and one of them I found was Akilah SmoothieFreak. She was talking about one of her favorite books being How to Be Black. So I looked it up and found out it was critically acclaimed and actually a really great book even though it had a bit of product placement for the blog "Stuff White People Like".

If you read "Books For Adults" you know that my book store options are next to none and as previously stated living in a predominantly white suburb (what suburb isn't tbh) didn't help. I didn't even bother to go to any of them because who likes some semi-tall string bean black girl dressed in mostly black asking you where she can find a book called How to Be Black. Who is honestly going to help?! My need for the book did trump my contempt of side eye from English majors at their summer job, but not enough for me to actually see the side eye: so I called. I called Hastings and Signs of Life neither of which carried the book. Personally I think it's weird to carry ample copies of the House of Night series and exactly zero copies of a critically acclaimed New York Times Best Seller written by a Harvard graduate, but I digress.  The Signs of Life guy was talking to someone in the background about a spill on aisle 5 (there are no aisle there I've been)...let's just say I caught your shade okay, and I brought a flashlight that's why you're on blast (is this even putting him on blast??? was he throwing shade on me????? idk????). Long story short I received sound side eye but I trudged on.

All of a sudden, like the time I hit my head meeting the floor of the pre-k bus (I have a permanent scar) it hit me. I own a kindle!! Why have I been buying tangible copies of books when all I had to do was walk into my parents room and use the Kindle. My parents are really chill about us buying books because books enhance our mind or some weird hippy reason that's probably the same reason why my mom hides things like eggplant in our food. It was an extremely simple process that was nearly identical to this

Me: "Can I buy a book on Kindle?"
My dad: "Okay."

Anyways, I'm extremely excited to read this book because

• The author's name is Baratunde Thurston and a really close family friend's name is Babatunde
• he let's me debate politics with him in a non-hostile way it's great
• I'm catching a kind of Mindy Kaling witty humor vibe 
• I read a few excerpts that were hilarious 
• He went to the posterchild of Ivy League schools: Harvard
• The Ivy League is my baby
• I'm not Malcolm Gladwell, so you can bet your mother's life that I think that Harvard will give you a better education than Cloud County Community College

All in all, I feel like this book is going to be a 10/10 would recommend to everyone to read, even though I haven't opened the first page yet.

Lastly, I would like to thank Amazon, for being the only book store to not sound side eye me today and for having the book in stock even if it's always there because it's in the cloud.

Desserts

I love dessert, it's my favorite meal of the day; more specifically french silk and ice cream.
First let me discuss french silk and the beauty that is within a singular pie crust.
French silk consists of...

• the perfect amount of chocolate
• out of this world flaky, buttery crust
• whipped topping made from God himself
• dark chocolate flakes shaved from the ultimate cocoa tree
• my heart <3

French silk and I have this weird relationship because I never have it regularly. In my family my Uncle Archie brings it with him whenever he comes to visit, because a store in his town makes the best french silk of my entire life. French silk is my family's pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, our apple pie on Christmas, our birthday cake, our Easter party, our holiday treat. 

I have a problem in that whenever given the chance to indulge in anything worth anything I go overboard.

• Pirate's Booty
• I ate a bag a day for 2 weeks and now the sight of them makes me sick.
• Snicker's Ice Cream Bars
• I ate 1 a day for a week, it's been 3 years since I've looked at them.
• Wendy's Chicken Nuggets
• I've eaten 10 nuggets and small fries with honey mustard for 2 days...it's happening again.

Ice cream addiction runs in my family; it's in my blood. My older sister loves ice cream so much it's scary. And I never considered myself to be like her, except I realize that my specialty is soft serve and milkshakes. I love Wendy's frosties and Steak N' Shake milkshakes. They mean everything to me. Even though soft serve is my the apple to my eye, regular ice cream is a close second. 

In my freezer is the holy grail of all dessert foods: FRENCH SILK ICE CREAM. This isn't even a review, I'm not even going to list the brand because that's not the point, the point is that someone looked into my soul and found everything I needed. This is the best mashup since Glee made mashups popular. 

When I saw it in the store a single tear rolled down my eye as an old guy next to me was humming an old song that I have no recollection or actual knowledge of. Everything was in slow motion, the air was thick, my heart was beating fast, my head was spinning as all the tectonic plates aligned together again. My two worlds came together to create the most beautiful thing in the world, french silk ice cream is my child: I thought I would never become a teen mom, but it looks like today I adopted my lump of joy, and I've never been more happy.

Weddings

I'm going to remind you again that I am 16 years of age. I know, I know, I say it all the time but this time it's very important to understand that I am in fact a sixteen year old girl.

My younger brother told me he was surprised that any woman wouldn't let him help plan their wedding. I felt sorry for him, how young, how silly, how naive. Such a precious 12 year old, so confused. This post is for my brother and other poor and silly boys out there who have no idea what I've been through to make my big day the best day in American history.

In my 16 years I've been able to plan about 50% of my wedding. According to the Washington Post you should begin planning your wedding about a year before you tie the knot. In my case I'm no where close to getting married because I'm yet to be in a dating relationship let alone a marriage. And I don't plan on becoming a teen mom who's forced into marriage so, in a years time, no, I don't plan on being married. But my 16 loveless years have provided me with enough time to get a lot of wedding details out of the way.


There's an excessively long list of things I've already planned so I'm not going to bore you when I can just invite you in 10-15 years!

Things that will be

• Engagement ring... cushion or princess cut everything else is so desperately ugly
• How do other cuts still exist who wants a diamond shaped as a heart?
• Are you 6?
• Is this grade school?
• Did he give you the ring in your Valentine's Day goody bag?
• Are you getting married on a playground?
• If you answered no to any of those questions, then you don't need a heart shaped ring
• My dress... by Alita Graham it was in her 2012 collection. It's the pinnacle of class and beauty, whilst being slightly avant gard. 
• If I was Kim K I would go Oscar de la Renta, but I'm currently on the C list on the Kim K game so it's not gonna happen
• I found it while browsing the Klienfeld's website, the price was unlisted but dresses by the same designer cost upwards of $2,000
• "THAT'S EXPENSIVE"
• Two words: Marry up
• Another ten words: Be the one who others want to marry up to

• Location...in a church, specifically Roman Catholic, a fancy one that's been standing for hundreds of years because they're regal. I'm not even Catholic. I'll be satisfied with any pretty church really. 
• Food...will include shrimp because shrimp is the best food God has ever given us.
• Father-Daughter Dance...will be danced to "Dance With My Father Again" by Luther Vandross because
• A) That's my dad's favorite song
• B) It's a tear jerker 
• Happy cry for me I look great I deserve it

Things that will not be

• A DRY EYE 
• I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE
• WHERE YOU'VE BEEN
• WHERE YOU'RE GOING
• YOU WILL CRY

Things that will lead to my wedding being called off

• My future husband not crying as I walk down the aisle 
• Mayonnaise people in attendance
• The use of porta-poddies within a 5 mile radius of either my ceremony or reception venue

I think it's safe to say that I'm probably a little crazy, but my wedding will be perfectly planned. Anyone who berates me for my over planning will probably get married in a trashbag next to a port-poddy (how is your wedding not pre-planned?????????).

Books for Adults

Being a 16 year old girl I have never ventured outside of the young adult realm, I've always found good books to read in the YAR section. As the years have passed and the books around my room continue to pile I felt a need to move away from badly written books about vampires and Harry Styles. Which brought me to my search for a book by an adult for adults. A few things drew me to my first adult book

1. It's by the hilarious Mindy Kaling
2. The Mindy Project is my favorite show
3. She's Ivy League educated just like a bunch of my favorite people
4. I'm in the business of supporting fellow women of color

So today I embarked on a journey to find Mindy Kaling book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). Where I live only has a few bookstores, Borders having shut down my options were limited to Hastings, the Dusty Bookshelf and Signs of Life. The Dusty Bookshelf being local and also a buy/sell store was crossed off the list without checking. Signs of Life is extremely Christian and although that's where I purchased Steve Jobs I did not believe it to have a book by Mindy Kaling, so again I decided not to check.

Upon arriving at Hastings my first thought was to go to the Biography section, assuming that the book was an autobiography/ memoir. The book was not there. Either I'm stupid or Hasting sets things up oddly because after asking a worker I found out it was in the Humor section. This should have made my search easier but I couldn't find the Humor section. So I had to ask another employee who referred me to another employee who then helped me find the section. I am a teenaged girl full of pride so I dismissed the third worker to help me in my odyssey. Then I was lost again because the books went in a loose alphabetical order, understandably so because people must move the books around and try to place them correctly
 but not get it correct.

Anyways I found the book after a while and I got my dad to buy it for me. Which brings me to the price. I bought the book for $14.99 which is very pricey for a paperback if you ask me. I checked amazon when I got home and it was $5 for a used copy, mine was not a used copy but you get my gist. On kindle it was $4.99 which was astonishing. According to Google at Barnes and Noble it was only $5. I am heartbroken that I was cheated out of $10 but having this book almost counteracts this dismay.

Just by looking at the front and back covers I

1. Assumed it's a very good book because it's a paperback with a matte finish (much appreciated lack of gloss)
2. Wondered where I can find the background because it's the definition of classy
3. Wanted to ask Mindy what she does to her hair to make it so nice
4. Realized she's Indian and know that she just rolls out of bed with hair that millions of people buy for hundreds of dollars
5. Giggled at the little Mindy on the back cover
6. Said "YAAAS MINDY MY QUEEN"

It's safe to say that I'm ready to read this book.

Reasons

for making this blog

• "Devenir" is French for "to become"
• "Debonair" is defined as "courteous, gracious, and having a sophisticated charm"
• It's usually used to refer to a man
• I'm not a man but I really like the word
• So we're running with it
• There are alternate spellings but I prefer this one to all others
• "Debonair" was the favorite word of John F Kennedy
• I had a big Kennedy phase
• Which brings up Rosemary Kennedy, who received a lobotomy which rendered her disabled for the rest of her life
• But her sister helped start the Special Olympics because of ti
• I've gone on a tangent
• This isn't my first blog despite my age
• I'm what they call an "old soul"
• I like to document my life on the internet
• But I don't consider the internet my diary
• I'm really stupid
• Stay suave goodbye