My younger brother told me he was surprised that any woman wouldn't let him help plan their wedding. I felt sorry for him, how young, how silly, how naive. Such a precious 12 year old, so confused. This post is for my brother and other poor and silly boys out there who have no idea what I've been through to make my big day the best day in American history.
In my 16 years I've been able to plan about 50% of my wedding. According to the Washington Post you should begin planning your wedding about a year before you tie the knot. In my case I'm no where close to getting married because I'm yet to be in a dating relationship let alone a marriage. And I don't plan on becoming a teen mom who's forced into marriage so, in a years time, no, I don't plan on being married. But my 16 loveless years have provided me with enough time to get a lot of wedding details out of the way.
There's an excessively long list of things I've already planned so I'm not going to bore you when I can just invite you in 10-15 years!
Things that will be
- Engagement ring... cushion or princess cut everything else is so desperately ugly
- How do other cuts still exist who wants a diamond shaped as a heart?
- Are you 6?
- Is this grade school?
- Did he give you the ring in your Valentine's Day goody bag?
- Are you getting married on a playground?
- If you answered no to any of those questions, then you don't need a heart shaped ring
- My dress... by Alita Graham it was in her 2012 collection. It's the pinnacle of class and beauty, whilst being slightly avant gard.
- If I was Kim K I would go Oscar de la Renta, but I'm currently on the C list on the Kim K game so it's not gonna happen
- I found it while browsing the Klienfeld's website, the price was unlisted but dresses by the same designer cost upwards of $2,000
- "THAT'S EXPENSIVE"
- Two words: Marry up
- Another ten words: Be the one who others want to marry up to
- Location...in a church, specifically Roman Catholic, a fancy one that's been standing for hundreds of years because they're regal. I'm not even Catholic. I'll be satisfied with any pretty church really.
- Food...will include shrimp because shrimp is the best food God has ever given us.
- Father-Daughter Dance...will be danced to "Dance With My Father Again" by Luther Vandross because
- A) That's my dad's favorite song
- B) It's a tear jerker
- Happy cry for me I look great I deserve it
Things that will not be
- A DRY EYE
- I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE
- WHERE YOU'VE BEEN
- WHERE YOU'RE GOING
- YOU WILL CRY
Things that will lead to my wedding being called off
- My future husband not crying as I walk down the aisle
- Mayonnaise people in attendance
- The use of porta-poddies within a 5 mile radius of either my ceremony or reception venue
I think it's safe to say that I'm probably a little crazy, but my wedding will be perfectly planned. Anyone who berates me for my over planning will probably get married in a trashbag next to a port-poddy (how is your wedding not pre-planned?????????).
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