Desserts

I love dessert, it's my favorite meal of the day; more specifically french silk and ice cream.
First let me discuss french silk and the beauty that is within a singular pie crust.
French silk consists of...

• the perfect amount of chocolate
• out of this world flaky, buttery crust
• whipped topping made from God himself
• dark chocolate flakes shaved from the ultimate cocoa tree
• my heart <3

French silk and I have this weird relationship because I never have it regularly. In my family my Uncle Archie brings it with him whenever he comes to visit, because a store in his town makes the best french silk of my entire life. French silk is my family's pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, our apple pie on Christmas, our birthday cake, our Easter party, our holiday treat. 

I have a problem in that whenever given the chance to indulge in anything worth anything I go overboard.

• Pirate's Booty
• I ate a bag a day for 2 weeks and now the sight of them makes me sick.
• Snicker's Ice Cream Bars
• I ate 1 a day for a week, it's been 3 years since I've looked at them.
• Wendy's Chicken Nuggets
• I've eaten 10 nuggets and small fries with honey mustard for 2 days...it's happening again.

Ice cream addiction runs in my family; it's in my blood. My older sister loves ice cream so much it's scary. And I never considered myself to be like her, except I realize that my specialty is soft serve and milkshakes. I love Wendy's frosties and Steak N' Shake milkshakes. They mean everything to me. Even though soft serve is my the apple to my eye, regular ice cream is a close second. 

In my freezer is the holy grail of all dessert foods: FRENCH SILK ICE CREAM. This isn't even a review, I'm not even going to list the brand because that's not the point, the point is that someone looked into my soul and found everything I needed. This is the best mashup since Glee made mashups popular. 

When I saw it in the store a single tear rolled down my eye as an old guy next to me was humming an old song that I have no recollection or actual knowledge of. Everything was in slow motion, the air was thick, my heart was beating fast, my head was spinning as all the tectonic plates aligned together again. My two worlds came together to create the most beautiful thing in the world, french silk ice cream is my child: I thought I would never become a teen mom, but it looks like today I adopted my lump of joy, and I've never been more happy.

Weddings

I'm going to remind you again that I am 16 years of age. I know, I know, I say it all the time but this time it's very important to understand that I am in fact a sixteen year old girl.

My younger brother told me he was surprised that any woman wouldn't let him help plan their wedding. I felt sorry for him, how young, how silly, how naive. Such a precious 12 year old, so confused. This post is for my brother and other poor and silly boys out there who have no idea what I've been through to make my big day the best day in American history.

In my 16 years I've been able to plan about 50% of my wedding. According to the Washington Post you should begin planning your wedding about a year before you tie the knot. In my case I'm no where close to getting married because I'm yet to be in a dating relationship let alone a marriage. And I don't plan on becoming a teen mom who's forced into marriage so, in a years time, no, I don't plan on being married. But my 16 loveless years have provided me with enough time to get a lot of wedding details out of the way.


There's an excessively long list of things I've already planned so I'm not going to bore you when I can just invite you in 10-15 years!

Things that will be

• Engagement ring... cushion or princess cut everything else is so desperately ugly
• How do other cuts still exist who wants a diamond shaped as a heart?
• Are you 6?
• Is this grade school?
• Did he give you the ring in your Valentine's Day goody bag?
• Are you getting married on a playground?
• If you answered no to any of those questions, then you don't need a heart shaped ring
• My dress... by Alita Graham it was in her 2012 collection. It's the pinnacle of class and beauty, whilst being slightly avant gard. 
• If I was Kim K I would go Oscar de la Renta, but I'm currently on the C list on the Kim K game so it's not gonna happen
• I found it while browsing the Klienfeld's website, the price was unlisted but dresses by the same designer cost upwards of $2,000
• "THAT'S EXPENSIVE"
• Two words: Marry up
• Another ten words: Be the one who others want to marry up to

• Location...in a church, specifically Roman Catholic, a fancy one that's been standing for hundreds of years because they're regal. I'm not even Catholic. I'll be satisfied with any pretty church really. 
• Food...will include shrimp because shrimp is the best food God has ever given us.
• Father-Daughter Dance...will be danced to "Dance With My Father Again" by Luther Vandross because
• A) That's my dad's favorite song
• B) It's a tear jerker 
• Happy cry for me I look great I deserve it

Things that will not be

• A DRY EYE 
• I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE
• WHERE YOU'VE BEEN
• WHERE YOU'RE GOING
• YOU WILL CRY

Things that will lead to my wedding being called off

• My future husband not crying as I walk down the aisle 
• Mayonnaise people in attendance
• The use of porta-poddies within a 5 mile radius of either my ceremony or reception venue

I think it's safe to say that I'm probably a little crazy, but my wedding will be perfectly planned. Anyone who berates me for my over planning will probably get married in a trashbag next to a port-poddy (how is your wedding not pre-planned?????????).