I have an issue with expectations: I always place mine too high. It really doesn't matter who I have expectations of, a crackhead, my parents, a rando, a good friend, literally anyone except for myself and it's becoming a problem. I don't think that I lack confidence, I've actually been working really hard on building that aspect of my life, I think it's more that I push myself really hard so when a teacher says the class "struggled" on a test or something of that nature I look to myself before anyone else: which brings me back to expectations.
There's this new show called Child Genius on Lifetime, I think and it's really interesting. Basically really important people (the proctor is a former astronaut) make a bunch of little kids stand on a podium and answer questions that are really hard. I know it sounds bland, but I root for some of those kids as if they were my own blood (YEJI I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!!!). I'm getting off topic. Anyways, they have a gifted education specialist who has little confessionals where she discusses how most gifted kids tend to act.
I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I tend to relate to what she says because I was, still am whatever, a gifted kid. But on the latest episode she said how a lot of gifted kids have really high expectations but tend to downplay them in order to cushion the blow and that's when it hit me (pun intended)--I DO THAT ALL THE TIME.
Okay let's share some secrets: last year I applied to be on this teen panel and it was a very intense process of lots of recommendations and applications. I kind of had it in my head that I was a pretty great student: I tried really hard and took difficult classes plus I had the grades to prove it, so when I got my rejection email I was devastated. I'd been checking my email vigorously all week in hopes that they'd tell me to pack my bags because I had been chosen, but instead I got a short email about how it wasn't a me thing, it was a them thing and how "many exceptional students applied" and that this rejection "shouldn't discourage me". I got off my shift at work, sat in my car and cried for a solid 10 minutes probably. I hadn't really spoken about it in depth because even though I ~thought~ I was going to be chosen, I didn't want people to think that I ~thought~ that I was going to get it and I didn't want myself to think that I ~thought~ that I was a shoe-in. It was a huge mess of getting my hopes up and then squishing them down just for them to rise again until finally, concretely they fell.
That's what worries me. I've already taken the SATs for the first time and then Subject Tests in May, plus AP tests in May, plus the ACT that's still looming and then the huge elephant that is college applications, I can't help but think in the back of my mind that I'm going to have high expectations because I put a lot of effort into everything, only to have the same fluctuation in my mind that could very well result in the same rejection template with different words printed where the parentheses once were.
I've been trying to keep myself balanced and stay positive. I know where my mind tends to lean towards and I know how it affects me. I'm not trying to be a Debby Downer, but sometimes you have to hope for the best but expect the worst and that took me a while to figure out and I'm not sure I have the balance quite right, but I can only hope that over time it won't be so hard to think that way.
I always have issues making points with my posts, however, this one for me is very straightforward. Having high expectations isn't always a bad thing but it's a balancing act. I'm only 17, so I have a lot more to work on but I went from a 12 year old who was scared of criticism and failure to a teenager who is more confident and comfortable sharing her work with everyone and now always expects some sort of response no matter how good or bad, so I'd say I've come a long way.
I may not always show it, but I tend to get very anxious and nervous when I really want something, but now I know that everything can't always go my way and I can only hope that when my time comes to "glo up" I'll be ready.
There's this new show called Child Genius on Lifetime, I think and it's really interesting. Basically really important people (the proctor is a former astronaut) make a bunch of little kids stand on a podium and answer questions that are really hard. I know it sounds bland, but I root for some of those kids as if they were my own blood (YEJI I'M ROOTING FOR YOU!!!). I'm getting off topic. Anyways, they have a gifted education specialist who has little confessionals where she discusses how most gifted kids tend to act.
This is Leland Melvin, he's the proctor of Child Genius and has the hands-down best portrait I've ever seen.
I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything but I tend to relate to what she says because I was, still am whatever, a gifted kid. But on the latest episode she said how a lot of gifted kids have really high expectations but tend to downplay them in order to cushion the blow and that's when it hit me (pun intended)--I DO THAT ALL THE TIME.
Okay let's share some secrets: last year I applied to be on this teen panel and it was a very intense process of lots of recommendations and applications. I kind of had it in my head that I was a pretty great student: I tried really hard and took difficult classes plus I had the grades to prove it, so when I got my rejection email I was devastated. I'd been checking my email vigorously all week in hopes that they'd tell me to pack my bags because I had been chosen, but instead I got a short email about how it wasn't a me thing, it was a them thing and how "many exceptional students applied" and that this rejection "shouldn't discourage me". I got off my shift at work, sat in my car and cried for a solid 10 minutes probably. I hadn't really spoken about it in depth because even though I ~thought~ I was going to be chosen, I didn't want people to think that I ~thought~ that I was going to get it and I didn't want myself to think that I ~thought~ that I was a shoe-in. It was a huge mess of getting my hopes up and then squishing them down just for them to rise again until finally, concretely they fell.
That's what worries me. I've already taken the SATs for the first time and then Subject Tests in May, plus AP tests in May, plus the ACT that's still looming and then the huge elephant that is college applications, I can't help but think in the back of my mind that I'm going to have high expectations because I put a lot of effort into everything, only to have the same fluctuation in my mind that could very well result in the same rejection template with different words printed where the parentheses once were.
I've been trying to keep myself balanced and stay positive. I know where my mind tends to lean towards and I know how it affects me. I'm not trying to be a Debby Downer, but sometimes you have to hope for the best but expect the worst and that took me a while to figure out and I'm not sure I have the balance quite right, but I can only hope that over time it won't be so hard to think that way.
I always have issues making points with my posts, however, this one for me is very straightforward. Having high expectations isn't always a bad thing but it's a balancing act. I'm only 17, so I have a lot more to work on but I went from a 12 year old who was scared of criticism and failure to a teenager who is more confident and comfortable sharing her work with everyone and now always expects some sort of response no matter how good or bad, so I'd say I've come a long way.
I may not always show it, but I tend to get very anxious and nervous when I really want something, but now I know that everything can't always go my way and I can only hope that when my time comes to "glo up" I'll be ready.
